Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Inspirational Motivation Mix of Badassery and Awesomeness

This is a mix of 20 songs that I find inspiring. Some of them are "lame" or by "lame" artists, but the songs still carry a message of inspiration and motivation, and as a result, I still love them! I hope that you enjoy these and use them the way that I do, to cheer up!

1. Unstoppable - Foxy Shazam

2. Don't Let the Bastards Grind You Down - The Toasters

3. The Middle - Jimmy Eat World

4. Hold On - Good Charlotte

5. I'll Be OK - McFly

6. I'm Still Here - John Rzeznik

7. Shining On - Big D & the Kids Table

8. No One Can Touch Us - Sing It Loud

9. Set Off - Hey Monday

10. Our Time Now - The Plain White T's

11. Kamikaze - Five Iron Frenzy

12. One For the Radio - McFly

13. You Raise Me Up - Josh Groban

14. 8 Miles Wide - Storm Large

15. I Am What I Am - The Jonas Brothers

16. I've Got You - McFly

17. Little Wonders - Rob Thomas

18. New Perspective - Panic! At the Disco

19. I Got Life - Hair

20. Cheer Up! - Reel Big Fish

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

10 Things To Make You Less Stressed...Part II

Here are another ten things that I hope will make you feel less stressed!

1. Lobster Bucket - The Aquabats

2. Literal Music Video of David Hasselhoff...because who doesn't love to make fun of the Hoff?

3.Retards. We definitely all know them...maybe we even are one.

4. A Rant about Sofa Cushions! (Trust me, it's hilarious...)

5. Bad Joke with Bad Word Play!

There once was a king who lived in two-story grass hut. Every holiday the king demanded to be given a new throne as a gift. As soon as a new throne arrived, he would store the old throne on the second level of his hut and use the new one instead. But one day the hut collapsed from the weight of all the thrones, and everyone was crushed and killed.

The moral of this story? Those who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.

6. Hilarious Twilight Parody Trailer

7. Very Stoned Kitty

8. Teenage Boy Eating (and rating) Baby Food!

9. A Friend Like U - Geoff Moore & the Distance

10. Hilarious Ke$ha Parody Video

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

She's Out of My League - Movie Review

If you enjoy watching grown men running around acting like overly hormonal teenagers for an hour and a half, the new “romantic comedy” She’s Out of My League is for you, if not, than I would strongly recommend seeing something else. I put “romantic comedy” in quotation marks because by the time the credits rolled, I could safely say that I found this film neither romantic nor funny. The plot consisted of a young man (Jay Baruchel), who worked as airport security, and his friends spending an entire full length movie trying to figure out why on earth the attractive, blonde party planner (Alice Eve) would ever be interested in him.

In other words, this movie catered to the male fantasy of an awkward, immature guy with a fairly unappealing job getting a gorgeous, mature woman who is, as the title states, “out of his league.” The female lead is what many might call the perfect woman. She is beautiful, and while she is smart and has a law degree, she won’t outshine her male counterpart, as she gave up law to plan parties. Not only does she look good, but she has no problem helping the man make his brothers and ex-girlfriend jealous by objectifying herself! Also, while she spends a significant portion of the movie trying to convince the male lead that she does, in fact, have flaws, aside from a barely noticeable and definitely not deal breaking physical abnormality, none of these flaws are ever explained or shown on screen. I, however, would argue that her greatest defect is her complete and utter lack of substance. As for the supporting female characters, they are mean, abrasive and for the most part, shallow, easy and unintelligent…yet the men are worse.

While the film attempts a male lead who is socially and physically awkward, yet kind and charmingly nerdy – a role which has worked well in previous romantic comedies such as Say Anything and 10 Things I Hate About You, the character falls short, coming across as immature and weak opposed to charismatic. After watching him for five minutes, it was completely shocking that any woman, even one lacking substance and personality, would want to be with him. Alongside the main role, the supporting male characters are oafish, disgusting and about as likeable as overcooked broccoli. They act like idiots and their conversation is rife with age inappropriate references spanning from cartoon Disney films to Hannah Montana. All things considered, it is unfathomable as to how, based on their intelligence and maturity levels, any of them were able to obtain a driver’s license, let alone a job or girlfriend.

Throughout the course of this movie, the characters spend a great deal of time ranking human beings on a points system of one to ten, giving and taking points for things such as appearance, job, car, etc. In the theme of this game, I will start by giving the cast and crew ten points for managing to get their movie into theaters nationwide. I will then proceed to deduct one point each for the unoriginal plot, lack of character substance, uninteresting character interaction, mediocre acting, overall immaturity, weak script and failed attempt to be funny. This leaves She’s Out of My League with only three points out of ten, all of which are attributed to the overwhelming sense of relief I felt when the film finally ended.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Ten Things to Make You Feel Less Stressed

Here are ten things that should make you smile and/or feel good! They are not in any particular order, but they are designed to make people feel less stressed out!

1. All Alone - The Hippos (song)

2. Christopher Walken/Lady GaGa Poker Face Mash-up (half video, half song)

3. Low Day - Capra (song/music video)

4. Incredibly Failtastic Paper (webpage)

5. Kiss Pandas (picture)

6. Rambo Death Chart (webpage)

7. What Do You Want From Me? - Forever the Sickest Kids (song/music video)

8. Mal From 'Firefly' Meets Rick Castle (video)

9. Is There a Cave? (film clip)
[don't worry, it was just as random in context as it is out of context]

10. New Tenants (picture)

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Noise Complaints

So the girls across the hall from me keep getting noise complaints and it's starting to upset them, so they asked me to buy speakers because they heard me telling one of my friends that I thought I would be getting all of the noise complaints if I had speakers because of how loudly I like to listen to my music...they want ME to get the complaints instead of them.

Also, my COLLEGE is hosting a Passion Party for the girls in my dorm.
Does that seem a little fucked up to ANYBODY else?

Monday, February 1, 2010

Intro to Poetry and Fiction 101

Yeah...more extended metaphor poetry.

Intro to Poetry and Fiction 101

I write the poetry
so that I can get to the fiction.
It's like having to eat the vegetables
to get to dessert.
With every bite of that overcooked
beatnik Brussels sprout
you are being watched just to make sure
that you don't hide the next one.

I take it because I have to, writing the
short lines,
the forced rhymes
because if I choke down enough,
that splendid, delicious
short fiction double layer cake
will be waiting for me.

With every spinach stanza

asparagus alliteration and eggplant
enjambment, I get one step closer to
the pecan prose pie
that I have been eying
since I first sat down.


Yeah, this time I had to write an extended simile or metaphor poem.
God I hate poetry.


Lawyers have thick skin
like that of an avocado.
They have to because if they don't
they back down and if they back down
they are weak. Weak lawyers
don't win cases.

When the lawyers go home
they peel back their thick skin,
revealing what is inside and
some are mushy, feeling the compassion
that deflects off of their thick skin
in the courtroom.
Some, though
are rotten to the core,
the putrid stench of their verbose persecutions
and exaggerated defenses
trailing them everywhere.

Some lawyers are smooth
They duck between accusations and pointed fingers,
arriving skillfully at a well deserved verdict.
But some are slimy.
They grease the bar and barely slip through
using their slicked back hair
and slick black suits to outshine
the work they didn't do.

Some lawyers are fresh with new ideas
and sharp-tongued statements
and some are old, stale
with no originality to their name.
But all lawyers are like avocados
and the French have known this
all along.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Bored in Portugal

So basically, our poetry group finished peer editing early and decided to do a write-around poem in class. This is what we ended up with.

Bored in Portugal

I like my Australian power pop vintage
And my favorite bands to have neon girl hair
and the guitars to have two necks
Just because I can.
How about that?

But I like my Swedish power pop modern
with songs about purple hair
and guys who say "how 'bout it then?"
while sporting leather trousers
Just because I can
and for no reason whatsoever.
How about that!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010


I just realize that I've agreed to go back to work for a boss who offered to pay me 100$ and make me business cards if I pretended to be a therapist in order to help his friends get rid of a shitty roommate...I'm wondering if this is a good idea.

Also, on a plot generator, I was told that:

"The story starts when your protagonist admits to a fantasy. Another character is an anesthesiologist who has been stealing your protagonists mail."

To me, this means that my protagonist admits his fantasy in a letter which the anesthesiologist then steals, y/n?

Friday, January 22, 2010

How to Eat a HoneyBell Orange!

So for Christmas, my mom subscribed me to a Fruit of the Month club, so every month, I get a box of fresh fruit, which is AWESOME, just so you know. This month I received a box of nine lovely, big, honeybell oranges. Inside of the box with this oranges was a pamphlet labeled HOW TO EAT A HONEYBELL...along with not one, but two plastic bibs.

At any rate, this pamphlet reads as such:

a. Is sharing with others actually an idea you can live with?
b. Could you be comfortable as a hero? After you bite into your first juicy sweet HOneyBell, you'll be tempted to hide the box, say nothing, and keep them all for yourself. But... think of the smiles of wonder and delight; the adoration and undying gratitude of your family, friends and neighbors if you share. (Only a few, of course)

If you're a HoneyBell lover you did not need on step...but if this is your first experience with the world's only limited edition fruit, please note: the bib is NOT just a cute idea! The word juicy, when used to describe HoneyBells is NOT an exaggeration!

...BUT WAIT! You think, is this dignified? How am I going to look? IT doesn't matter this time...wear it anyway. When HoneyBell juice is running down your chin and off your elbows, and you're grinning from year to ear, you'll be so glad you've got your bib and happy too that life could be this good.

My reaction? WOW! Who the fuck writes this shit anyways? I mean there are even pictures in the pamphlet for each of the steps! Jesus!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

My Poetic Masterpiece

This is easily the best poem I have ever written in my life.
My teacher wanted an 'animal' poem...and here goes!

My Grandmother's Farm

I stood on the third slat of the rickety, wooden fence.
Wide eyed, curious and confused,
I stared at the llama...
and it stared back.
It's head and feet were tiny
against the fur-fattened body, neck and legs
and it's eyes were glassy
like the marbles I always left around the house.
After a few minutes, I stuck my tongue out
hoping the funny looking animal would mimic
but it just looked at me the way my father does
when I accidentally-on-purpose drop my broccoli on the floor.
I grinned and reached my hand out
closing my grubby fist around some of the llama's matted fur
and without any warning
it spat in my face.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Crap Poetry

This is my sad, sad attempt to write poetry for my English class - there's a reason I don't write poetry. God...ick.

Leaving One

In the dark of the room, two arms, both thin, share an armrest
elbow to elbow, wrist to wrist,
their owners obscured by the chair backs.
A flash of fatal light and a loud 'boom'
cause the hand with the chipped nail polish to flinch.
The arm with the leather-cuffed wrist reaches over
covering the back of the other hand.
Slowly, the bare wrist turns,
stopping only when its palm faces upwards.
Now it's palm to palm and as the fingers lace together,
almost perfectly,
the two separate arms melt together.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Man VS Wild...

So it's just one of those days, you know? The past two days have been like that, really, where all the little things pile up and finally get to you and all that you want to do is get wasted, but you don't drink, so you don't know what to do...some things are hurtful, some depressing and some are just frustrating. I'm not going to name any names on here about the hurtful stuff, but I will tell you about one of the most ridiculous situations. This is actually funny...and crazy.

Since October, two of my guy friends and I have been planning to go hiking. Yesterday I received a phone call from Thing 1 saying that he had had a dream, and his dream told him that, instead of a day hike, we needed to go backpacking...furthermore, his dream declared we go backpacking without a tent! For me...that's just a BAD idea, right? I mean I guess a lot of people go camping without a tent, but I'm not keen on going all "Man Versus Wild" with Thing 1 and Thing 2, so I called Thing 2 and told him about Thing 1's dream. I don't know what excuse HE has to want to go backpacking without a tent - probably to prove his masculinity or some god damned thing...yeah, he too, wants to go tentless.

My plan? Bring a 1 person tent and when it rains and they're cold, laugh my ass off. What do you think?

Pirate Radio - A Monumentally Mis-marketed Movie

So over Winter Break, this little movie came out called Pirate Radio. I had seen trailers for this movie on TV, and I would be lying if I told you that I had expected a Phillip Seymour Hoffman film when I went in. I knew that the movie was being marketed as such, and usually when a film is marketed as a Phillip Seymour Hoffman film, the target audience is an audience with more serious taste. However, this film could not have been more poorly marketed. What I got instead was a bunch of guys and one lesbian on a boat rockin' their socks off with Phillip Seymour Hoffman hanging around in every couple of scenes.

It was amazing...but it also has one of the most misleading trailers of all time.

Yes, from that it appears that "The Count" would be the main character when, in fact, the actor/character that I consider to be the main character was hardly in the trailer at all! And you know what that means, right? It means that you must go and WATCH the film for yourself to see it's true, fucking hilarious, magic. Because I'm an evil bitch, I'm going to give you a sneak peak - try to get you hooked.

I hope that you enjoy this movie, which, by the way, stars: Tom Sturridge, Nick Frost, Tom Brooke, Katherine Parkinson, Chris O'Dowd, Bill Nighy, Rhys Ifans, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Bill Nighy, Kenneth Branagh, Talulah Riley, Rhys Darby, Tom Wisdom, Jack Davenport and appearances by Gemma Arterton and Emma Thompson.

Have fun watching Pirate Radio...and when you're done, let me know what you think!

You Me At Six - Hold Me Down

,Hold Me Down, released on January 11, 2010, marks the second album by the British band You Me at Six. This band came onto the scene with their first album, Take Off Your Colours and have since been seen in America on Warped Tour 2009 and Fall Ball (with The Academy Is..., Mayday Parade, Set Your Goals and The Secret Handshake). Though they are probably best known for their cover of Lady GaGa's hit Poker Face, You Me at Six's two albums feature songs of a more punk/alternative genre. The band consists of members Josh Franceschi (lead vocals and lyrics), Max Heyler (rhythm guitar and backing vocals), Chris Miller (lead guitar), Matt Barnes (bass guitar) and Dan Flint (drums/percussion). Aside from having set themselves apart from other bands trying to make it in this industry, this five person ensemble puts on a fairly good stage show, displaying energy and passion for not only their music, but the crowd as well.

Now onto their new album! Hold Me Down features a cover even more explosive and eye catching than their first album, and what is inside does not disappoint. Franceschi's style, both lyrically and vocally, are interestingly different than others of their genre. He is not what one might call an A-Level singer, but I find that his unique voice brings something to the plate that other bands cannot offer. Though the majority of the songs on the album are not beautifully poetic, the are far from bad and many of them are highly catchy. Some people might find their louder bass and drumlines a little too much for someone with a voice like Franceschi, but personally, I am a fan of the combination. I recommend finding a copy of this album or, if you have not heard it, their first album. These boys know what they're doing with music, and who would I be kidding if I said they were hard on the eyes? So I suggest that, if you get the chance, you take a look at You Me at Six!