So for Christmas, my mom subscribed me to a Fruit of the Month club, so every month, I get a box of fresh fruit, which is AWESOME, just so you know. This month I received a box of nine lovely, big, honeybell oranges. Inside of the box with this oranges was a pamphlet labeled HOW TO EAT A HONEYBELL...along with not one, but two plastic bibs.
At any rate, this pamphlet reads as such:
1. CONSIDER THIS...
a. Is sharing with others actually an idea you can live with?
b. Could you be comfortable as a hero? After you bite into your first juicy sweet HOneyBell, you'll be tempted to hide the box, say nothing, and keep them all for yourself. But... think of the smiles of wonder and delight; the adoration and undying gratitude of your family, friends and neighbors if you share. (Only a few, of course)
2. LOCATE YOUR BIB.
If you're a HoneyBell lover you did not need on step...but if this is your first experience with the world's only limited edition fruit, please note: the bib is NOT just a cute idea! The word juicy, when used to describe HoneyBells is NOT an exaggeration!
3. PUT ON YOUR BIB AND DIVE IN!
...BUT WAIT! You think, is this dignified? How am I going to look? IT doesn't matter this time...wear it anyway. When HoneyBell juice is running down your chin and off your elbows, and you're grinning from year to ear, you'll be so glad you've got your bib and happy too that life could be this good.
My reaction? WOW! Who the fuck writes this shit anyways? I mean there are even pictures in the pamphlet for each of the steps! Jesus!