Wednesday, September 15, 2010
1. Unstoppable - Foxy Shazam
2. Don't Let the Bastards Grind You Down - The Toasters
3. The Middle - Jimmy Eat World
4. Hold On - Good Charlotte
5. I'll Be OK - McFly
6. I'm Still Here - John Rzeznik
7. Shining On - Big D & the Kids Table
8. No One Can Touch Us - Sing It Loud
9. Set Off - Hey Monday
10. Our Time Now - The Plain White T's
11. Kamikaze - Five Iron Frenzy
12. One For the Radio - McFly
13. You Raise Me Up - Josh Groban
14. 8 Miles Wide - Storm Large
15. I Am What I Am - The Jonas Brothers
16. I've Got You - McFly
17. Little Wonders - Rob Thomas
18. New Perspective - Panic! At the Disco
19. I Got Life - Hair
20. Cheer Up! - Reel Big Fish
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
1. Lobster Bucket - The Aquabats
2. Literal Music Video of David Hasselhoff...because who doesn't love to make fun of the Hoff?
3.Retards. We definitely all know them...maybe we even are one.
4. A Rant about Sofa Cushions! (Trust me, it's hilarious...)
5. Bad Joke with Bad Word Play!
There once was a king who lived in two-story grass hut. Every holiday the king demanded to be given a new throne as a gift. As soon as a new throne arrived, he would store the old throne on the second level of his hut and use the new one instead. But one day the hut collapsed from the weight of all the thrones, and everyone was crushed and killed.
The moral of this story? Those who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
6. Hilarious Twilight Parody Trailer
7. Very Stoned Kitty
8. Teenage Boy Eating (and rating) Baby Food!
9. A Friend Like U - Geoff Moore & the Distance
10. Hilarious Ke$ha Parody Video
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
If you enjoy watching grown men running around acting like overly hormonal teenagers for an hour and a half, the new “romantic comedy” She’s Out of My League is for you, if not, than I would strongly recommend seeing something else. I put “romantic comedy” in quotation marks because by the time the credits rolled, I could safely say that I found this film neither romantic nor funny. The plot consisted of a young man (Jay Baruchel), who worked as airport security, and his friends spending an entire full length movie trying to figure out why on earth the attractive, blonde party planner (Alice Eve) would ever be interested in him.
In other words, this movie catered to the male fantasy of an awkward, immature guy with a fairly unappealing job getting a gorgeous, mature woman who is, as the title states, “out of his league.” The female lead is what many might call the perfect woman. She is beautiful, and while she is smart and has a law degree, she won’t outshine her male counterpart, as she gave up law to plan parties. Not only does she look good, but she has no problem helping the man make his brothers and ex-girlfriend jealous by objectifying herself! Also, while she spends a significant portion of the movie trying to convince the male lead that she does, in fact, have flaws, aside from a barely noticeable and definitely not deal breaking physical abnormality, none of these flaws are ever explained or shown on screen. I, however, would argue that her greatest defect is her complete and utter lack of substance. As for the supporting female characters, they are mean, abrasive and for the most part, shallow, easy and unintelligent…yet the men are worse.
While the film attempts a male lead who is socially and physically awkward, yet kind and charmingly nerdy – a role which has worked well in previous romantic comedies such as Say Anything and 10 Things I Hate About You, the character falls short, coming across as immature and weak opposed to charismatic. After watching him for five minutes, it was completely shocking that any woman, even one lacking substance and personality, would want to be with him. Alongside the main role, the supporting male characters are oafish, disgusting and about as likeable as overcooked broccoli. They act like idiots and their conversation is rife with age inappropriate references spanning from cartoon Disney films to Hannah Montana. All things considered, it is unfathomable as to how, based on their intelligence and maturity levels, any of them were able to obtain a driver’s license, let alone a job or girlfriend.
Throughout the course of this movie, the characters spend a great deal of time ranking human beings on a points system of one to ten, giving and taking points for things such as appearance, job, car, etc. In the theme of this game, I will start by giving the cast and crew ten points for managing to get their movie into theaters nationwide. I will then proceed to deduct one point each for the unoriginal plot, lack of character substance, uninteresting character interaction, mediocre acting, overall immaturity, weak script and failed attempt to be funny. This leaves She’s Out of My League with only three points out of ten, all of which are attributed to the overwhelming sense of relief I felt when the film finally ended.
Friday, February 12, 2010
1. All Alone - The Hippos (song)
2. Christopher Walken/Lady GaGa Poker Face Mash-up (half video, half song)
3. Low Day - Capra (song/music video)
4. Incredibly Failtastic Paper (webpage)
5. Kiss Pandas (picture)
6. Rambo Death Chart (webpage)
7. What Do You Want From Me? - Forever the Sickest Kids (song/music video)
8. Mal From 'Firefly' Meets Rick Castle (video)
9. Is There a Cave? (film clip)
[don't worry, it was just as random in context as it is out of context]
10. New Tenants (picture)
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Also, my COLLEGE is hosting a Passion Party for the girls in my dorm.
Does that seem a little fucked up to ANYBODY else?
Monday, February 1, 2010
Intro to Poetry and Fiction 101
I write the poetry
so that I can get to the fiction.
It's like having to eat the vegetables
to get to dessert.
With every bite of that overcooked
beatnik Brussels sprout
you are being watched just to make sure
that you don't hide the next one.
I take it because I have to, writing the
the forced rhymes
because if I choke down enough,
that splendid, delicious
short fiction double layer cake
will be waiting for me.
With every spinach stanza
asparagus alliteration and eggplant
enjambment, I get one step closer to
the pecan prose pie
that I have been eying
since I first sat down.
God I hate poetry.
Lawyers have thick skin
like that of an avocado.
They have to because if they don't
they back down and if they back down
they are weak. Weak lawyers
don't win cases.
When the lawyers go home
they peel back their thick skin,
revealing what is inside and
some are mushy, feeling the compassion
that deflects off of their thick skin
in the courtroom.
are rotten to the core,
the putrid stench of their verbose persecutions
and exaggerated defenses
trailing them everywhere.
Some lawyers are smooth
They duck between accusations and pointed fingers,
arriving skillfully at a well deserved verdict.
But some are slimy.
They grease the bar and barely slip through
using their slicked back hair
and slick black suits to outshine
the work they didn't do.
Some lawyers are fresh with new ideas
and sharp-tongued statements
and some are old, stale
with no originality to their name.
But all lawyers are like avocados
and the French have known this
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Bored in Portugal
I like my Australian power pop vintage
And my favorite bands to have neon girl hair
and the guitars to have two necks
Just because I can.
How about that?
But I like my Swedish power pop modern
with songs about purple hair
and guys who say "how 'bout it then?"
while sporting leather trousers
Just because I can
and for no reason whatsoever.
How about that!
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Also, on a plot generator, I was told that:
"The story starts when your protagonist admits to a fantasy. Another character is an anesthesiologist who has been stealing your protagonists mail."
To me, this means that my protagonist admits his fantasy in a letter which the anesthesiologist then steals, y/n?
Friday, January 22, 2010
At any rate, this pamphlet reads as such:
1. CONSIDER THIS...
a. Is sharing with others actually an idea you can live with?
b. Could you be comfortable as a hero? After you bite into your first juicy sweet HOneyBell, you'll be tempted to hide the box, say nothing, and keep them all for yourself. But... think of the smiles of wonder and delight; the adoration and undying gratitude of your family, friends and neighbors if you share. (Only a few, of course)
2. LOCATE YOUR BIB.
If you're a HoneyBell lover you did not need on step...but if this is your first experience with the world's only limited edition fruit, please note: the bib is NOT just a cute idea! The word juicy, when used to describe HoneyBells is NOT an exaggeration!
3. PUT ON YOUR BIB AND DIVE IN!
...BUT WAIT! You think, is this dignified? How am I going to look? IT doesn't matter this time...wear it anyway. When HoneyBell juice is running down your chin and off your elbows, and you're grinning from year to ear, you'll be so glad you've got your bib and happy too that life could be this good.
My reaction? WOW! Who the fuck writes this shit anyways? I mean there are even pictures in the pamphlet for each of the steps! Jesus!