Sunday, October 5, 2008

Readers Digest Version: Cobra Starship and The Academy Is...

Ok, so basically, this is Cobra Starship. They are on DAMN good looking band...and yeah, their music is DAMN good too...and their song titles, like "Damn You Look Good And I'm Drunk," or "Prostitution is the World's Oldest Profession (And I, Dear Madame, Am I Professional)." I kid you not, they rock...I mean look at them, powder blue suits and a hot pink dress? Oh...and did I mention that their goal is to teach people not to take themselves so seriously? That's pretty fucking awesome. The end. Or not, because I can't stop talking about how kick ass this band is. Their music videos run the world and I have NEVER seen a band preform on stage with more energy than Cobra Starship. Also, they support Slash Fanfiction and having a good time...and they give good hugs.

This is The Academy Is... They have a really shitty band name, but I guess there isn't really all that much that I can do about that. They too are a pretty good looking band, but not QUITE as good...that's not the point. The point is they are 'emo,' by definition, but I have never seen an emo band that spent more time being goofy. They too, have odd song titles, such as "Beware! Cougar!" and "Summer Hair = Forever Young." They also have a podcast, an Australian guitarist, and no stage presence. Ok, so one of those is bad. Just pretend I never typed it. *wink.* Their songs are really good, kind of deep...and they plant lots of lovely innuendo in their music...and you all know how much I love innuendo. They are best band friends with Cobra Starship. I know...I can hardly believe how much awesome is one place when they are together - it's pretty much an intense over load...complete with loss of air and temporary loss of judgment...on their part...mostly.

This is Gabe Saporta. He is the lead singer for Cobra Starship. He's hot. He's sexual. He's got a GREAT voice. He's funny. He's fucking William Beckett...oh wait, pretend I didn't say that, there's no proof. There is, however, proof that he is awesome. He is VERY comfortable with his body, he writes GREAT songs, he spends a lot of time with his fans, and he supports slash fanfiction...yes, he even reads it. About himself. I love him, but not in the way where I would marry him, because he has to marry William. He loves William. He's said so. Also, Gabe is an excellent dancer. He used to be in Midtown, but it got to depressing, so that stopped happening. Now Cobra is happening, and Cobra is REALLY happening. Also, Gabe has excellent style. He likes bright colors and cherishes his purple hoodie. Fashion magazines would probably crucify him, but hey, they would DEFINITELY crucify me, so I don't really care what they have to say. And neither does Gabe. At least according to his music, which I trust, because he is very passionate about that. And about William.

This is Alex Suarez. He plays bass for Cobra Starship. He also plays maracas. And likes airplane alcohol. Look at all that talent. He is a goofball too, as you can see...I hope. Alex went to culinary school. He can cook. He is also hot. He can also play an instrument. He can also imitate The Godfather. He also looks very cuddly. He is also VERY nice. He also gives great hugs. I'm thinking that he might be husband material...but I'm mostly basing that off of the cooking thing and the nice thing...the other stuff...well yeah, he's just Alex Suarez. He has a side project with Ryland Blackinton, who we'll meet later. It's called Ivy League, and they probably rock, I should look into it and actually give you an opinion that you can use.



This is Ryland Blackinton. He plays guitar for Cobra Starship. He is also Guy Ripley. It's hard to explain. Ryland has that one side project with Alex, he is also ridiculously tall and skinny. Kind of like a flagpole, only better looking with more hair...and eyes. He is VERY funny and dressed up as Waldo for Halloween. Is there any reason not to love him? Probably...but I have yet to discover it, so I'm happy with him. Ryland also has a tendency to sing while standing around at signings. Or maybe that was just in my state...but I doubt it. He also does a REALLY good British Accent, which comes in handy when he is Guy Ripley. Again, it's complicated.



This is Victoria Asher. Some people call VickyT. She plays Keytar for Cobra Starship. She too is incredibly hot. And awesome. Victoria was a film student before she joined Cobra, which means she made their Guilty Pleasure Home Video...which is arguably the best invention ever made. She likes to sing with Ryland at the signings. She also likes to drink, but I think that's kind of all of them. She also smokes, which kinda sucks, but that's her decision...it would just suck for it to kill her early, because she's damn talented. She also wears really cool clothes. And did I mention she plays Keytar?!

This is Nate Novarro. Some people call him Nasty Nate Novarro. He plays drums for Cobra Starship. He is REALLY hot. He is also very short. He also the baby of the band. He seems to be confused by simple things, such as how beer manages to get from bottles to cups. He also has a nosering, which usually isn't hot, but with him, it is...or maybe I'm just smitten by this hottie. He used to be the drum tech for Armor For Sleep. Then he and Gabe started Cobra Starship...that was probably a better choice. Oh, and he's from Tennessee, which makes him even hotter to me...which is also kind of a long story...but it's true. Tennessee is hot.

This is William Beckett. He is the singer of The Academy Is... He is also kind of a fox, as you can see. He also knows this, which is ok. He is also fucking Gabe...oh wait, I still don't have proof...Anyways, he turned all emo in high school. started the band, grew his hair out, cut it, grew it out again, cut it, and now he's growing it out again. He also likes beer. And angsty blogging. and politics. I get the feeling that he's kind of buzzkill when he's sober. Ironic, huh. He also likes to be deep...and put sexual innuendo about Gabe in his songs...again, little proof...minus the songs, which COULD be about other people, but I don't think so. Also, he can be REALLY funny sometimes, so I guess we can forgive his buzzkillness. Sometimes.

This is Mike Carden. Some people like to call him Santi.
He plays Guitar for The Academy Is...
He has been with the band since they started.
He also edits TAITV with Jack the Camera Guy.
He kind of creeps me out.
Ok, he REALLY creeps me out.
A LOT.
'Nough said.
Let's move on.


This is Adam T. Siska. Some people call him Sisky Business. Some people just call him Sisky. He plays bass for The Academy Is... I don't know who gave him a wallaby, I know that I wouldn't trust him with one. He's crazy. He is also a lot of fun, which is good. He used to have dead ferret on the side of his head. Ok, so it was actually his hair, but I swear to god, you couldn't have told the difference either. He cut it. Chizz interviewed him about it, you'll meet Chizz later. Sisky has two cats, Baby and Little Girl. He used to have Little Boy too, but it got eaten by a coyote, which actually kinda sucks. Sisky wears girls clothing sometimes, but for some reason, he actually manages to pull it off. He is also fucking The Butcher...but you should probably ignore that, since again, I don't have any proof.


This is Andy Mrotek. Some people call him The Butcher. Ok, everyone calls him The Butcher, except for those who just call him Butcher. He plays Drums for The Academy Is... He is also an artist. He also has a lot of tattoos. He seems to dislike clothing, since he is most frequently seen wearing nothing but booty shorts. And sometimes shoes. He is kind of adorable when he smiles. He is a very energetic drummer, he laid down the track for Fast Times at Barrington High in two days. I don't really know much about recording, but I think that's pretty damned fast. At least when they talk about it they all sound pretty impressed... he and Sisky together are Neon Bodystyle. They steal shit and they give shit.

This is Michael Guy Chislett. Some people call him Chizz. I like to call him Chizzie. He plays Guitar for The Academy Is... He is REALLY hot. He is also Australian. I caught his guitar pick once. I kind of want him...but he doesn't know it. He likes Vegemite. A lot. He used to be in a band called Butch Walker and the Lets Go Out Tonites. I used to think it was a joke...until I looked it up and learned it was a real band. I was shocked. Chizzie tends to look down when he plays guitar. He also would REALLY like to know the true meaning of Santi. They pick on him a lot...I probably would too, except he's really hot. And he has an Australian accent. and he can play guitar like a mad man. Did I mention he's Australian?

THE END.
MORE LATER.
MAYBE.

3 comments:

Melissa said...

Holy shit you make me laugh
<3

Merry said...

A. You are amazing!
B. Cobra is the shitz and TAI... is AH-MAZ-ING!
C. I am retarded. I just realized TAI is The Academy Is...wow :( lol
D. Ryland is sexy as hell and he is mine.
E. Adam T. Sisky is my husband and he is sexy as hell also.
F. Great explanations of them all. Spot on!

so i love you and keep on rocking it! You make me sooo happy!

Anonymous said...

i JUST saw cobra starship on tuesday in detroit. my first time seeing them live and it changed my life. Ryland threw me his guitar pick when i crowd surfed GABE pulled me up on stage.

it was awesome.